siteguide | news | touring | emg | history | the works | contact | home | search

I have just read the testimony of a former employee of yours, one Per GOLEM Nyquistlimid, as posted on your website. If this is a valid document, and I believe it must be, then you may be in great danger. Let me explain.

I am Rabbi Torsten Wieder, leader of the congregation of Temple Beth Israel, Stockholm.

Like my father and grandfather before me, I am a master Kabbalist and a member of the Esteemed Knights of Rashi, 1st grade. I also have a Ph.D in computer sciences. In 1991, I completed the first version of Handyman©, an AI generation program which when used in conjunction with Claymatrix IV is capable of creating a multi-purpose humanoid commonly known in Judaic lore as "golem".

One morning in March 1997 I discovered that both of my then unregistered and heretofore sequestered pieces of software had been downloaded by pirate hackers. In otherwords, some person or persons had broken my security codes and were now in possession of Handyman© and Claymatrix IV. After a brief but nevertheless tedious investigation, I traced the origin of the crime first to the island of Maui in the Hawaiian Islands and finally to the net address of one K. "Jimmy" Becker of Paia. I was able to persuade Master Becker, never mind how, to come up with the name of the party to whom he had sold my work for a not inconsiderable sum - a certain Roger Nichols of Miami FLA.

If you haven't guessed by now, it was my program that Mr. Nichols used to create the entity you knew as Golem or "Troll", the creature who created the really swinging rhythm tracks on your new CD, Two Against Nature. I have put this matter in the hands of my attorneys.

Now for the really bad news. Despite a major attempt at cover-up, you may have heard about the troubles at Versgaard near the Finnish border on Millennium eve. I can tell you right now, there is no zoo in Versgaard, and it was certainly no runaway gorilla in a Gumby suit that caused all the damage that night. It was in fact the only other Handyman prototype ever brought to realization: my own servant, Joseph, i.e., Golem I. Your golem, Golem II, is almost certainly on a similar collision course with disaster. You see, a build-up of negative energy in the hypothalamic equivalent will eventually cause the big dope to go completely... excuse me, I must attend to a new crisis that's just broken out in the yarmulka closet. Sorry. More later.


Torsten Wieder

... alas, and still the sad tale continues ..

siteguide | news | touring | emg | history | the works | contact | home | search