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The Morning Scan
Random Notes From Far Arcturus

Dear Craig:

Excuse me for bothering you on your first day back in the office, I know how busy you are with your other clients - plus you remember from before how much I hate to complain - BUT -

Take a look, will you, at the enclosed picture (left). This is the view from the bedroom window of my "deluxe 2-bedroom suite" at the dump where DF and I are decamped for THREE FUCKING DAYS in the first week of our big '96 tour. You see at once, I know you see at once, what is wrong with this tableau - your unfortunate client, whose day ends at 4 a.m., is laying down his weary tune about 100 yards from a construction site whereupon work begins at 8 a.m., rain or shine. The job of mashing old asphalt into big jagged chunks, scooping up those chunks and dropping them into the back of a big black dump truck is sonically jarring to the delicate aural sensibilities of YT, and the laying of new asphalt in its place is an olfactory nightmare. There are numerous other problems with what has been optimistically described by your agents as "the best hotel in the area", to wit:
1. Because my correct room was not available til the day following the night of our arrival, Kawai and I had to spend the night in provisional rooms which were manifestly unsatisfactory in all regards - plus, when I was finally able to relocate in mid-afternoon of the following day, my belongings were so thoroughly scattered through these rooms that it was impossible not to leave something or other behind. This very nearly happened to a small film canister containing my entire remaining stock of chiba chiba - luckily tragedy was averted at the last possible moment by an alert and well-tipped (by me) hotel employee. Had this canister been lost or had it fallen into the wrong hands, the entire tour would have been jeopardized.

2. Upon awaking on my first morning in the aforementioned room, I discovered that the floors had a wavy or corrugated appearance. Normally when confronted by visual distortions of this or similar type, I just stay in bed unitil they go away. Usually this takes about half an hour or so, then it's okay. After a couple of hours I realized things were not clearing up for me, and it was only then that I discovered that the carpets in this particular room (as well as in all the others I have seen in this joint) had been improperly stretched over the concrete subfloor, giving it this particular texture. It was this same wavy effect which very nearly caused me to stumble and fall on the that morning and in fact on every morning since, which might have caused serious injury and thus once again jeopardized the entire tour.

3. The data throughput available via the switchboard is completely inadequate for my purposes.

4. This hotel is studded with features which we have specifically asked be avoided when choosing our accomodations, including:
- being located in an industrial park and in close
proximity to a highway, a mall, and nothing else

- having windows which do not open

- having, on its dining room menu, "antelope
steak" as a featured dinner selection

- having a telephone operator named "Rosie"
...look, I could go on and on, maybe I will later, but you get the picture: This place sucks. If there are any more hotels like this one on the tour, let me know now and Kawai and I will catch the next bus back to Hawaii.

Peace out.


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