"I Am Just A Poor Boy..."

Ho Craig -

Now that we're getting ready to mix I'm taking a minute to tidy up some loose ends and settle a couple of scores that have been preying upon my mind. You can help. To wit:

1. I agree with your notion that we will never emerge from the long shadows of Lord Tariq and Peter Gunz until one or both of us becomes a titled nobleman. I have volunteered for this duty and I have looked over the UK catalog of peerages-for-sale that you sent me - so far my favorites are "Lord Biggings" and "Lord of Girley". Let's get some prices on these puppies and find out if the titles come with castles or crowns or whatever. Gold chains - gonna need a couple of those too, and maybe I could borrow Howard Gilman's Bentley for a while. I'd be glad to let him have my Metrocard in the meantime.

2. A friend of Roger's and mine, guy named Tim Weston - he produced a CD of jazz versions of Beach Boy songs a while back - Tim sent Roger a JPEG of a vintage BSA motorcycle that he recently acquired. Roger showed me the picture at the studio and it ruined the whole session for me. I consider the mailing of this picture as a direct challenge to my authority as a record producer /artist /songwriter /guitarist /wag. I'm sending Tim this picture of a brand new Porsche Boxster, which should set things right. The only catch is, if Tim happens to head out this way, I'll need to have a car that looks like this one for a couple of days while he's in town. Call Andy and ask him to chase one down that we can rent or borrow on short notice if necessary. A CD player is a must, so I can play the new album for Tim when we tool around town.

3. I keep getting emails from musicologist buddies consisting of various tired humor pieces - these things aren't even halfway funny and the headers are about five pages long, they've mailed them to everyone they know - and if I get the one about the "new John Coltrane album" one more time, I'm gonna go postal or something. We've got to find a way of shaming these guys out of passing on these sad little jokemails! Got any ideas?

4. Did I hear that Howard Rose has a birthday coming up? We should get him something, shouldn't we? Or should we?

Regards,
W