Lyrics | The Royal Scam

LYRICS | THE ROYAL SCAM (1976)

Kid Charlemagne
The Caves of Altamira
Don't Take Me Alive
Sign in Stranger
The Fez
Green Earrings
Haitian Divorce
Everything You Did
The Royal Scam

KID CHARLEMAGNE

While the music played you worked by candlelight
Those San Francisco nights
You were the best in town
Just by chance you crossed the diamond with the pearl
You turned it on the world
That's when you turned the world around
Did you feel like Jesus
Did you realize
That you were a champion in their eyes
On the hill the stuff was laced with kerosene
But yours was kitchen clean
Everyone stopped to stare at your technicolor motor home
Every A-Frame had your number on the wall
You must have had it all
You'd go to L.A. on a dare
And you'd go it alone
Could you live forever
Could you see the day
Could you feel your whole world fall apart and fade away
CHORUS:
Get along, get along Kid Charlemagne
Get along Kid Charlemagne
Now your patrons have all left you in the red
Your low rent friends are dead
This life can be very strange
All those dayglow freaks who used to paint the face
They've joined the human race
Some things will never change
Son you were mistaken
You are obsolete
Look at all the white men on the street
CHORUS
Clean this mess up else we'll all end up in jail
Those test tubes and the scale
Just get them all out of here
Is there gas in the car
Yes, there's gas in the car
I think the people down the hall
Know who you are
Careful what you carry
'Cause the man is wise
You are still an outlaw in their eyes
CHORUS

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CAVES OF ALTAMIRA

I recall when I was small
How I spent my days alone
The busy world was not for me
So I went and found my own
I would climb the garden wall
With a candle in my hand
I'd hide inside a hall of rock and sand
On the stone an ancient hand
In a faded yellow-green
Made alive a worldly wonder
Often told but never seen
Now and ever bound to labor
On the sea and in the sky
Every man and beast appeared
A friend as real as I
CHORUS:
Before the fall when they wrote it on the wall
When there wasn't even any Hollywood
They heard the call
And they wrote it on the wall
For you and me we understood
Can it be this sad design
Could be the very same
A wooly man without a face
And a beast without a name
Nothin' here but history
Can you see what has been done
Memory rush over me
Now I step into the sun
CHORUS

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DON'T TAKE ME ALIVE

Agents of the law
Luckless pedestrian
I know you're out there
With rage in your eyes and your megaphones
Saying all is forgiven
Mad Dog surrender
How can I answer
A man of my mind can do anything
CHORUS:
I'm a bookkeeper's son
I don't want to shoot no one
Well I crossed my old man back in Oregon
Don't take me alive
Got a case of dynamite
I could hold out here all night
Yes I crossed my old man back in Oregon
Don't take me alive
Can you hear the evil crowd
The lies and the laughter
I hear my inside
The mechanized hum of another world
Where no sun is shining
No red light flashing
Here in this darkness
I know what I've done
I know all at once who I am
CHORUS

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SIGN IN STRANGER

Have you heard about the boom on Mizar Five
People got to shout to stay alive
They don't even have policeman one
Doesn't matter where you been or what you've done
Do you have a dark spot on your past
Leave it to my man he'll fix it fast
Pepe has a scar from ear to ear
He will make your mug shots disappear
CHORUS:
You zombie
Be born again my friend
Won't you sign in stranger
Do you like to take a yo-yo for a ride
Zombie I can see you're qualified
Walk around collecting Turkish union dues
They will call you sir and shine your shoes
Or maybe you would like to see the show
You'll enjoy the Cafe D'Escargot
Folks are in a line around the block
Just to see her do the can-can-Jacques
CHORUS
Love or leave her, yellow fever
Sure, it's all in the game
And who are you
Just another scurvy brother
CHORUS

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THE FEZ

No I'm never gonna do it without the fez on
Oh no
No I'm never gonna do it without the fez on
Oh no
That's what I am
Please understand
I wanna be your holy man
No I'm never gonna do it without the fez on
Oh no
Ain't never gonna do it without the fez on
Oh no
That's what I am
Please understand
I wanna be your holy man
No I'm never gonna do it without the fez on
Oh no
Don't make me do it without the fez on
Oh no
That's what I am please understand

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GREEN EARRINGS

Cold, daring
No flies on me
Sorry, angel
I must take what I see
Green earrings
I remember
The rings of rare design
I remember
The look in your eyes
I don't mind
Greek medallion
Sparkles when you smile
Sorry, angel
I get hungry like a child
Green earrings
I remember
The rings of rare design
I remember
The look in your eyes
I don't mind

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HAITIAN DIVORCE

Babs and Clean Willie were in love they said
So in love the preacher's face turned red
Soon everybody knew the thing was dead
He shouts, she bites, they wrangle through the night
She go crazy
Got to make a getaway
Papa say
CHORUS:
Oh - no hesitation
No tears and no hearts breakin'
No remorse
Oh - congratulations
This is your Haitian Divorce
She takes the taxi to the good hotel
Bon marché as far as she can tell
She drinks the zombie from the cocoa shell
She feels alright, she get it on tonight
Mister driver
Take me where the music play
Papa say
CHORUS
At the Grotto
In the greasy chair
Sits the Charlie with the lotion and the kinky hair
When she smiled, she said it all
The band was hot so
They danced the famous Merengue
Now we dolly back
Now we fade to black
Tearful reunion in the USA
Day by day those memories fade away
Some babies grow in a peculiar way
It changed, it grew, and everybody knew
Semi-mojo
Who's this kinky so-and-so?
Papa go
CHORUS

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EVERYTHING YOU DID

Where did the bastard run
Is he still around
Now you gotta tell me everything you did baby
I'm gonna get a gun
Shoot the lover down
Are you gonna tell me everything you did baby
Traces are everywhere
In our happy home
Now you better tell me everything you did baby
I jumped out of my easy chair
It was not my own
Now I want to hear about everything you did baby
I never knew you
You were a roller skater
You gonna show me later
Turn up the Eagles the neighbors are listening
You know how people talk
I wonder what they say
I think you better tell me everything you did baby
I never knew you
You were a roller skater
You gonna show me later
You never came to me
When you were so inclined
Yes you could have told me everything you did baby
I know where baby's at
I know your filthy mind
Now you're gonna do me everything you did baby

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THE ROYAL SCAM

And they wandered in
From the city of St. John
Without a dime
Wearing coats that shined
Both red and green
Colors from their sunny island
From their boats of iron
They looked upon the promised land
Where surely life was sweet
On the rising tide
To New York City
Did they ride into the street
See the glory
Of the royal scam
They are hounded down
To the bottom of a bad town
Amid the ruins
Where they learn to fear
An angry race of fallen kings
Their dark companions
While the memory of
Their southern sky was clouded by
A savage winter
Every patron saint
Hung on the wall, shared the room
With twenty sinners
See the glory
Of the royal scam
By the blackened wall
He does it all
He thinks he's died and gone to heaven
Now the tale is told
By the old man back home
He reads the letter
How they are paid in gold
Just to babble in the back room
All night and waste their time
And they wandered in
From the city of St. John without a dime
See the glory
Of the royal scam

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All songs by Walter Becker and Donald Fagen except The Fez, by Walter Becker, Donald Fagen, and Paul Griffin.© Lyrics Reprinted by Permission. All Rights Reserved.